Tears of Pearls
by Brightest-Crayon-Of-The-Box
Summary: Between them, it's immediate lust. Lust that could have been changed into Love. But Sam Winchester leaves to save more innocent people thinking he'll never see her again. Boy, he was wrong.  Sam/OC
1. Chapter 1

His hands moved slowly but with impatience over her half-naked body. It was the first time he listened to his impulses since the death of his girlfriend, and somehow, she was not in his mind at this moment. Ever since he layed his eyes on the girl he was now holding close, it seemed like nothing else was important. If he wanted to be honest with himself, he never thought this feeling could invade him again, not after all he's been through. But it seemed pretty damn real. The way your heart skips a beat, the stress invading your insides whenever that person is near, the impression that you've never ever met someone as beautiful... He tried to supress the feeling, he tried to deny the attraction, but it was useless. She felt the same, he knew it, and she, too, seemed to be fighting the desire inside like it was pure poison and that she was swallowing extremely fast, without any chance to stop.

His hand seemed to burn at the touch of her skin and she pushed her body over his, like she could never be close enough. He trailed kisses on her collarbone, feeling the shiver that suddenly ran over her whole body. Her arm moved around his neck and she sticked her nails in his back. He didn't feel an ounce of pain, just a request for him to continue. Every movement seemed natural, almost too natural, like it was already written somewhere... like body parts moved by themselves. They couldn't control themselves anymore, and if they wanted to be honest, they didn't want to. It felt special, more special than it ever had before.

The motion of their bodies appeared to be in perfect synchronisism. The ecstacy he suddenly felt was worse than a drug. It was impossible to put into words, and he barely could believe he was living it at this exact moment. At this point, it seemed more than orgasmic. She moaned lightly, her lips brushing over his ear and he closed his eyes. Laying her back down on the bed, he put himself close on his side, staring at her. His face was only inches away from hers, and she could smell the odor emanating from him.

His hand moved once again below her neck, his fingers sliding on the small pearls of the necklace she was wearing. Being the only thing she still had on, he smiled and she sent it back to him. His dark hair fell around his face as his lips reached sweetly hers. She replied to the kiss and smiled more.

"Sam..." she whispered.

He didn't reply. He only planted his lips softly on her neck as she bited her bottom lip. Butterflies seemed to hit the inside of her stomach but she didn't show it. After all, she knew they could never have something. She would remain some sort of acquintance to him, and if she wanted to be honest, that's also what he had to be for her. She couldn't let her guards down, no matter how handsome and unique Sam Winchester was.

She closed her eyes and felt his hand in hers. He was making it so unbearable. She was no fool. He wouldn't be there when she'd wake up.

The way her fingers seemed to fit perfectly between his made him shiver, moving up the hair on his nape. And it hit him. He had so much stuff to do, so many people to save... he couldn't start a relationship. He would never be able to. He stared at her as her head fell on the right side. Her eyes closed, she seemed motionless, except for the regular breathing making her chest move up and down.

He looked at every inch of her body that was visible and smiled sadly. You never know what you're missing until you get it. And then, when you lose it, the pain it makes you feel never completely leave.

It was crazy. He barely knew her anyway. Why did he feel like he's known her forever? Why did he feel like he'd love her forever? It didn't make any sense. Nothing had actually made sense since he met her. He could fall for her. He knew it. It was obvious like a nose in the middle of a face. Water is wet, the sky is blue, and Sam Winchester could totally fall in love with the girl laying next to him. If he'd only let his guard down... But he couldn't. He knew it. It's not like he really had a choice.

He held his breath, scared that if he'd let go, the incredible feeling would surround him once again. It was stuck in his stomach, screaming to get out and be free. If only Sam could be free.

He dressed back up slowly, making sure he wouldn't wake her up. It was not that easy, and when she moved on her side, he stopped breathing. He felt guilty. He didn't seem to only betray her, but also himself, and everything he believed in. It was not like him, but he had to face the truth. He would never be able to leave her if she'd dive her eyes into his.

He took his time, sending glances as often as he could in her direction before to walk up to her silently, bending down to kiss her forehead.

"Goodbye Olivia."

When he opened the door, the coldness of the wind seemed to slap him and he brought his shoulders closer to his face. He walked slowly, his hands in his pockets, leaving his footprints on the white road. The night was dark, and the winter was harsh. He let the snow fall over his hair and face, getting stuck in his eyelashes, and he remembered her necklace, smiling with melancholy. He seemed to be crying tears of pearls.

When the door closed behind him, Livia opened her eyes and got up from the bed. She had given him the best opportunity to leave. Still, she had the strange feeling he didn't really want to go, and although it shouldn't, it comforted her. Grabbing her gown and putting it on, she walked to the window and pushed the curtains, noticing he had forgotten his sweatshirt on the floor. It made her smile, and she turned her attention back to him. If she'd allow herself to listen to her instinct, she would run after him, her feet naked in the snow, but she knew better. The snowflakes danced around him, bringing him somewhere he probably could never call home. She felt homeless herself now that he was leaving.

And no matter what her feelings for him were, he would never be more than a pleasant but painful memory.


	2. Chapter 2

"Why don't you talk to me?" Billie asked his younger sister as he closed the trunk of his car in a loud noise.

"Because I have nothing to say." Livia simply replied, her arms crossed over her chest, sitting in the passenger's seat.

Billie rolled his eyes subtly and got inside the car, behind the wheel, before to start it. He adored his sister. Even before their parents died, they were already extremely close, but now they're even closer, especially since they are each other's only family.

Their rebel side had exhausted both their parents. They thought Livia was simply imitating her brother, but in fact, they were so alike it was almost scary. When their parents died, Livia had decided to dye her hair blond and add pink stripes on it. To her, it was some sort of honor for them, but everyone thought she was trying to confront them, even in death. Only Billie really understood her, and she didn't care about anyone else's point of view.

"You've been acting weird for the past month." Billie pointed, parking the car in front of a graveyard. "Ever since the Winchester's have left."

"Billie, I love you." Livia replied, hitting the flashlight on her palm to make it work. "But you shouldn't go there."

"I just thought..."

"It's private business." his siter cut him.

He remained silent as he got out of the car, taking the shovel in the trunk and following her. She pushed the large metal doors and got inside, leading and lighting the way.

"What have you found?"

He decided to push away the serious discussion before Livia would get mad at him. At some point, she'd come around, he knew it, but he hoped it was sooner than later. He didn't like to see his sister act this way. She was secretive, but her sadness emanated from everything she did and said. He had not seen her act this way since their parents passed away, and she was bitter than usual, which was saying a lot. Her constant mood swings surprised Billie every time. She was always softer with him, like she couldn't really be angry at him, but recently she was acting differently, and Billie was worried. There was something going on with his sister. He was determined to find out what, but at the same time, he didn't want to invade her privacy, something she was extremely touched about.

"Two different deaths in the past two weeks." she explained. "It seems like some sort of spirit is killing his family. Something about a secret gate being open by one of them."

"What was inside?" Billie's curiosity made him wonder.

"No idea. But that's not important." she expressed. "Let's kill this damn thing and go back home."

"So you can curl up in your bed and cry."

It was something anyone else would just have thought, but Billie was not shy with his sister, and she easily sent it back. They were always honest with each other... until Dean and Sam had appeared out of the blue.

"Right now, actually, I just want to throw up." she told, rising her nose up in a grimace.

"I make you wanna puke?" Billie asked sarcastically with half a smile.

"Shut up and dig."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Most of the time, they would ride silently in Dean's chevy impala, and today was no exception. Sam looked by the window. The night was dark, and the rain was pouring harsh outside, making noise as it hit the car. He sighed, mist forming on the glass and he wiped it with his bare hand.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Sam turned to his brother and frowned.

"What are you talking about?"

He thought he had done a pretty good job at hiding his secret dreams. They were just dreams, after all. He repeated the words inside his head, trying to make himself believe they were true. He used to have visions of people dying, and they had ended up being premonitions. These dreams, however, seemed more of a product of his imagination, rather than some sort of future events. Perhaps it was guilt invading his veins every time he thought about the night he shared with Livia. Or maybe he just had a hard time to forget this girl, unlike most of the others he met along their journey.

It has already been months, and the feelings had not stopped. They didn't want to leave. Every fiber of his body was still invaded with the emotions and pleasure of that night. Sometimes, he even wonders what would have happened if he had fallen asleep next to her on that cold evening, but things would probably be the same as they are now because in the end he would have left anyway.

Sam turned around to look at his brother, the only person he'd give his life for. He knew he couldn't have left him for a girl.

"I'm talking about the way you're acting." Dean pointed out. "You're in your own world, and although being a lunatic really fits you, you've been acting a little out of it recently. I can't always save your ass."

Sam's lips curled on the left side of his mouth as he shook his head but he didn't reply. They were already at least four states away from Livia, and she was probably back to her normal life as of now. Heck, she was probably not even thinking about him anymore. There was no point in these hopes he had of seeing her again, someday.

"It's that case in the Maine that bothers me." he finally answered,

"So what." Dean sighed. "There was evil, we went there, evil seemed to dissappear. We left. End of."

"But don't you think it's weird?" Sam argued. "We get there, solve the mystery, and when it's time to send it back to hell, it's gone?"

"Okay Shaggy, that is weird. But maybe some other hunters got them before us."

Sam only shrugged and let his head fall on the back of his seat. That was not what was bothering him, and he knew Dean was aware of that, too, but this excuse made his brother stop his interview and focus on the road. Sam looked again by the window, blinking two or three times. He never thought it could be possible, but he wished it would snow at this exact moment, perhaps to get the feeling he had experienced on that night. He knew he wouldn't get it back, though, and he supressed a sigh as his phone started to ring.

"Hey Bobby." he greeted after pushing the talk button. "Okay, thanks."

"An other case?" Dean asked, his eyes not leaving the road this time.

"Yea, in Pennsylvania." Sam replied. "It's only 2 days away."

"Than let's not waste time."


	3. Chapter 3

Sam Winchester threw water on his face and then stared in his own eyes. The mirror was dirty, even more than this motel room, but it was the best he and his brother could find to spend the night. Drops of water fell from the tip of his hair and he quickly passed his right hand in it, an habit he was not even aware he had. He was not having nightmares anymore, and although it shouldn't, it seemed worse. Her tiny lips and her big green eyes kept coming back in every dream he was having. Her laughter echoed in his head all day long. He always knew dreams can have a big impact on your next day for living it more than once, but he didn't know it could be so intense that it could distract him from an evil spirit, or a demon. His brother could have been killed tonight, and it was his fault, he knew it. He couldn't keep going this way.

"There must be a way..." he whispered to his reflection with a sigh.

Taking a big breath, he got out of the bathroom and let himself fall on his bed. Dean was also laying on his, his arms crossed behind his head.

"Dean, I'm..."

"Shut up, Sam." his brother cut him straight. "It was not your fault."

Sam remained silent. He knew it was his fault, and most likely, his brother knew, too. Normally, Dean would lecture him about it, adding that dying was not on his priority list, but tonight was different. It seemed like Dean knew there was something hidden in Sam's heart, something he was desperate to know, but for whom he'd get no answer.

"I think we should make Bobby a vist." Dean added, staring at the ceiling.

"So that's it?" Sam questioned him, getting irritated.

"What do you want me to do, Sam? Yell at you?" Dean sat up quickly. "Tell you that you almost got me killed, that you're a jerk, and that you need to focus on the fucking job?"

"Yes!" Sam replied, getting up. "Shake me! Curse at me! ANYTHING!"

Dean took a big breath, his lips thiner out of anger. He tried to calm himself and turned to his younger brother.

"So I can get what off your head exactly?" he simply asked in a low tone. "I don't even know what's wrong with you."

Sam looked down, hearing his heart beat until his ears. He was always secretive, and he knew that even if his brother didn't like it, he respected it. This time, though, he had to admit Dean was right. He couldn't let his thoughts and regrets get in the way. He had to forget, or at least, put the feelings he had for Livia in the back of his mind, hidden somewhere. He had to deal with it, and now.

"It won't happen again, Dean." he promised, looking up at his brother. "I swear."

XXXXXXXXX

"Food!" Livia yelled, closing the door behind her.

She noticed Billie sitting on the couch and half-smiled, walking up to him. She put the food bags on the small rectangle table in the middle of the living room and let herself fall next to him, laying her head on his shoulder. She felt safe when her brother was around, and although she was not the most affectionate person, she cherished Billie for he was all she had left.

The motel room was comfy for what it was worth: after all, they wouldn't spend much time there. Sure, their life was all about saving people from evil, but they allowed each other one hour every night to enjoy somewhat of a normal life. Billie moved to get some chinese food and Livia's lips curled sadly. The days when they'd eat around the table, in the kitchen, were very far away, but it was something Livia missed more than she would admit. She turned around to take a look at her brother. He was simply staring at the tv, but it made Livia smile. She was lucky she still had him, and she knew it. If it was not for him, who knows what she would have become.

"I was wondering..." she started, waiting to get her brother's full attention.

Billie turned around, his eyes meeting hers. She couldn't bear glance as a shiver run up her spine and she looked away. He didn't talk, waiting to hear her reflection.

"Well, we've been doing this for ten years..." she kept going slowly, scared of the words coming out of her mouth.

"I know." Billie sighed. "I like to think it's what we do best, but maybe I'm wrong."

His confession took her offguard and she bit her bottom lip. It went silent between them and Livia took a big breath, shutting her eyes as she talked.

"What would you say If I'd tell you I want to settle?"

She had let it out in one breath, as quick as she could, and she just hoped he wouldn't make her repeat : she didn't know if she'd be able to. The room went silent again, except for their favorite TV show playing in the background, but it seemed almost inaudible. The atmosphere was almost palpable and it was worse when Billie turned of the tv, bringing the room in complete darkness.

The good news was... he had heard well. She wanted to stop it all. From rescuing people, to getting revenge for their parents' death, it seemed like it was not worth it for her anymore, or he thought so.

"For how long have you been thinking about this?" Billie finally asked sweetly after what seemed like hours.

"A month or so." she admitted, looking down at the floor although they could barely see each other in the obscurity.

He didn't talk about their parents, he rarely would, but he had a question burning his lips, something he had to ask, even though it was hard. He was extremely scared of the answer.

"Do you have a good reason?"

Livia searched for his hand in the dark and finally grabbed his fingers, tightening her grip. He answered by squeezing her hand in his.

"I do, trust me."


End file.
